When I was 18, I joined the contemporary ensemble at the early service of our church in Chattanooga. I stood on stage with others in front of hundreds of people and sang about God. It was a privilege and the highlight of my week.

I was overwhelmed with the talent of this group. There were times during practice and performance when I wondered is this what an angelic, heavenly choir might sound like. Not to say we didn’t have our imperfect moments such as singing the wrong verse or someone (sometimes myself) hitting the wrong note. It happened occasionally. Even so, I loved every minute. I felt the Holy Spirit strongly there.

There was one song which made me stumble. We were on stage Sunday morning practicing a bit before the service started.

“I love You, Lord
And I life my voice
To worship you
Oh my soul rejoice
Take joy, my King
In what You hear.
May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear.”

I knew the song well. It was one of my favorites, but on this day, I began to panic with the words, “I love You, Lord.” I questioned if I actually loved God. Was I singing what I believed?

As a five-year-old, I knew Jesus was in my heart, but somehow as I transitioned into adulthood, I had somehow lost the love. How could I have gone to church practically all my life and missed something so essential?

I worshipped God.
I respected God.
I was in awe of God.
But did I love God?

The guilt and uncertainty flooded me, and my faith took a bit of a tailspin. I had to completely reassess my relationship with God.

“When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John,
do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
Again, Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said,
“Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep…”
John 21:15-17, NIV

I’ve always found it interesting how Jesus didn’t ask Simon Peter if he was sorry for denying him. The topic wasn’t about Peter’s faith. Seeing the resurrected Jesus had restored his faith. Jesus, as usual seems to go to the very heart of the matter, “Do you love me more than anything?”

Jesus asked about love.

Previously, Peter had denied Jesus three times before the cock crowed. Simon Peter has seen the risen savior. We see this instance in scripture where Peter is redeemed and restored into the fold and commissioned to ministry.

Yet, I feel Peter had a choice. He could revert to the sinful Simon, son of John. The man he was before knowing Jesus. He could turn his back on Christ and go back to fishing. Business as usual. Or he could turn to Christ and receive mercy. He could go on in his ministry and serve the Lord.

Jesus asked for Peter’s love. Even in its imperfection.

Likewise, God asks for our love. Even in its imperfection.

There are times in life when we have to stop and assess our relationship with God. Perhaps a traumatic event occurred and what we thought we knew no longer works. We don’t know why God could let this happen to us. Or doubt jumps in our minds and won’t let go. All I know is we also have a choice. We can choose to draw nearer to God and ask for help or withdraw from God and try it all alone.

I knew I wanted to love God and wanted to accept God’s love for me. I was honest and open and asked for God’s help to get me back there. I love the Lord. I can sing this song without hesitation. But it was a lesson I needed at the time. In all of my doing for the Lord, I neglected being with God.

All relationships take work including building our relationship with God. Find ways to prioritize spending time with God in ways you are comfortable. It does not matter what you decide to do, simply spend time with God.

More information:

I Love You Lord (Spontaneous) [feat. Ben Cantelon] // The Belonging Co (youtube.com)

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