“How are you taking care of yourself?” “What makes you come alive?”
Abby Buter
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
Howard Thurman
As I complete my education in Spiritual Direction, I am visualizing what my client-based practice could look like. Abby Buter is a fellow classmate in our Spiritual Direction program with Wisdom Tree Collective. Abby is also certified as a life coach. She agreed to be interviewed for her perspective of her Life Coaching career and how spiritual direction may fit into her existing practice. Our interview is as follows:
How do you define “life coach”?
I would define a life coach as someone who accompanies you through life encouraging and challenging you to engage in the life that feels most life-giving to them. I think it’s important for life coaches to really listen to their clients about what they want their life to look like or what goals they’re seeking, and a life coaches’ job is to encourage them to achieve those goals and give them tools to do that.
What drew you to being a life coach?
I love helping people learn more about themselves and understand themselves as they can take care of themselves well. I used the tool, the Enneagram to help my clients know themselves better. I wouldn’t say I fit the traditional role many people think of when they think of life coaches – I’m not great a “kicking people in the butt to get them going towards goals” (how I’ve heard others describe life coaches). I don’t challenge people outright like some coaches, but my approach is more about inviting folks to see how their wants, desires, and potential can unfold. I wanted to walk alongside people towards growth in whatever way that looks like for them. My life coaching has always had more of a spiritual direction bent than is traditional, I think.
How would you compare/contrast life coach training with the training we receive as Spiritual Directors?
Funny enough there is more “direction” in life coaching than in Spiritual Direction. As a life coach you’re often positioned more as the expert and the person guiding someone towards their stated goals or growth. But with spiritual direction we’re not the experts. We’re also intentionally making space for the Divine to be present. I think life coaching is like getting into the passenger seat of a car and the client is driving and you’re there to help guide, suggest an alternate route, encourage, etc. Spiritual direction is like getting in the back seat with your client and letting the Divine drive and seeing where we go.
What skillsets or training are helpful for a life coach?
It’s helpful for life coaches to have high emotional intelligence, compassion, active listening skills, and know how to have crucial conversations. It’s not always comfortable helping people face challenges or things that might be hard and it’s important not to shy away from hard conversations. Life coaches can be a safe place to land for folks when you’re authentically compassionate and seek to understand and listen for where someone’s at in their life.
How do you find clients?
Most often by word of mouth or the internet! Because I’m an Enneagram coach many people are interested in the Enneagram and come to me that way. They find me online and are interested in learning more about themselves using the lens of the Enneagram.
What is the overall commonality across all patients?
The most common thing about clients is that they have a desire to know themselves better and experience liberation in some way in their life.
What’s the progression for a client?
I first meet with a client to do a discovery call. We talk about what they’re looking for and what their goals are. Often times I’m not a good fit for someone and that’s okay! I recommend them to someone I know, or we part ways after the discovery call. Then the progression looks different depending on the client. In our first meeting I ask about what their goals are and ask, “If at the end of this engagement you are very glad you did this, what would that look like? How would you feel? What would you know? How would you be different?” From those answers I build out a loose plan for our time together. With Enneagram clients there’s a more structured process because that includes some education around their specific type and reflection in their personal life through the lens of the Enneagram.
What is the question you ask most often?
Probably, “How are you taking care of yourself?” Or “What makes you come alive?”
What’s the fine line between “spiritual” and “therapy”?
I think one difference is with therapy you’re expected to have the answers and you have the position of power to hand down tools and strategies that will help someone find freedom or growth. With spiritual work it’s more about trusting something bigger than ourselves and knowing that we don’t have all the answers. I think both are so important!
What aspect of being a life coach is the most fulfilling?
Watching the growth of clients and the freedom they find on the journey. It’s amazing to watch someone realize a coping mechanism or behavior is no longer serving them and do the hard work of unlearning that habit and replacing it with a behavior or mindset that does serve them. I just love watching people grow into who they are meant to be!
What are the challenges of being a life coach?
Honestly sometimes it’s challenging just having the confidence that I know what I’m doing! I don’t consider myself an expert…the client is the expert on themselves, and I just might have some tools and wisdom to help guide them along the way. But it can be challenging to know if I’m doing the right thing or if I’m really being helpful.
It’s also challenging running your own business. It gets lonely!! And always needing to get clients can be really hard. I’ve worked hard trying to operate my business in a way that is sustainable (which right now looks like taking a step back from it), but it’s hard that the way to staying profitable and in business is getting more clients and that’s hard.
What is your #1 or go-to advice?
Probably some version of this quote from Howard Thurman, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
Or “Go do something that just brings you joy!”
“I think life coaching is like getting into the passenger seat of a car and the client is driving and you’re there to help guide, suggest an alternate route, encourage, etc. Spiritual direction is like getting in the back seat with your client and letting the Divine drive and seeing where we go.“
Abby Buter
More Information:
What Is a Life Coach? (verywellmind.com)
SDI – The Home of Spiritual Direction and Spiritual Companionship (sdicompanions.org)
Katie Rea Spiritual Direction 🌞 
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