I walked through the maze of hallways and corridors of the hospital. Despite my recent familiarity with the hospital, I still had a bit of trouble navigating my way to the ICU room. I passed beeping monitors and harried nurses, disoriented not just by the building, but by the heaviness of what awaited me. Hope and worry clung to me till I found the room.

My friend, elderly, lovely and radiant, was unresponsive now. Her sister-in-law, also a dear friend, met me at the door.

Despite all my training, healthcare, active listening, spiritual director training, pastoral care, I didn’t know what to say or how to respond in this time.
My stomach knotted. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing, afraid I wouldn’t see that warm, familiar smile again. She’d been in the hospital for over a month. I wanted to be a strong, hopeful, and helpful friend. I wanted to do everything correctly.

And then, it came to me: I didn’t need to be perfect. I only needed to be present. Her sister-in-law told stories. We shared memories. We played music with the faith that Judy could hear us in her coma. We prayed. We laughed. We hugged. We held her hand and held space. And, in that moment, grace and peace entered the picture.

A week later, Judy passed away. A few weeks after that, our church family came
together to help plan her funeral.

I regret not getting more time with Judy. She was a shining beacon with a welcoming smile and a hug. She was the first person who greeted us at the church when we first visited those many years ago. And though I miss her dearly, I believe she is whole now. She’s probably embracing those who went to heaven before her. She’s lighting up heaven as she did here.

Just a reminder, dear ones: don’t take those you love for granted. Reach out as much and as often as you can. If someone particular keeps coming to mind, reach out. Do not wait for the perfect time or the perfect words.

Ministry is not about our perfection or fixing anyone or anything. Ministry is about our presence. God is already at work; the invitation is simply to be there and join in.

May God bless all those who mourn, for they are the ones who have known how to love.