“What if you wake up some day, and you’re 65 or 75, and you never got your novel or memoir written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools or oceans because your thighs were jiggly or you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.”

Anne Lamott

A year and a half ago my husband asked me a question which took me off guard.

“You’ve wanted to write for as long as I’ve known you, but you never do it. Why is that? Why do you say you want to write, but never do?”

He wasn’t trying to be mean, just curious. He does care about others but is blunt at times. He jokes if he had a blog, he’d name it the Apathetic Empath. I fear his would be more popular than mine. (That’s one fear. Read on.)

I took the question to heart. I even journaled about it. I found out there were several reasons.

Fear was a big one. I was afraid of being unsuccessful and that absolutely no one would care what I had to say. What if no one likes what I write? Strangely, I was also afraid of success. I was afraid of what I had to say. I was also afraid to have a voice. I was afraid of growth and change.

Comfort. I was afraid of stepping outside my comfort zone. I was comfortable with the desire to write more than I was comfortable with the responsibility to write.

Imposter syndrome was another reason. I didn’t identify myself as a writer, how could I write? Even now, I identify as a starting blogger, not a writer.

Perfectionism is a problem for me. If I am going to do something, I feel as if I have to do it 110%. A coworker reminded me how it was okay to occasionally be mediocre. The advice unsettling me. Mediocre? Why would I strive to be mediocre? But now I understand what she was trying to express. I don’t have to knock it out of the park every time I commit to do something. I can miss one meeting. I can rest when I need to. I don’t have to write award winning material every time. I owe it to myself to show up and write whatever I want to write.

My inner critic didn’t like it when I wrote. All those things I mentioned, the fear, the comfort, the imposter syndrome, the perfectionism, would all materialize with my inner critic yelling at me.

I acknowledged all this. Then I decided to finally do something about it. Just over a year ago, I started this blog. I gave myself permission to write.  I gave myself permission to rest and take a break when I needed to. I gave myself permission to show up and write what called to me.

Last weekend I participated in a phenomenal writer’s retreat. A Writing Room promised to host a Transformational Retreat. I admit to being skeptical.  I attended online. Anne Lamott, Sam Lamott, SARK, Julia Cameron, Lauren Sapala, Jacob Nordby, Ryan Spear, Claire Giovino, Alex Elle, Amie Mcnee (and more) were speakers. I watched one speaker and thought, “How’s anyone going to top that?” And they did. Again, and again. I cried. I laughed. I cheered. They asked some tough questions.

What does your “best self” look like?

When have you not given up on yourself?

What do you want? Why?

What is the cost it would take to get what you want?

Are you willing to pay the cost?

What is writing anxiety?

What does resistance look like for you?

Who am I really?

What new possibilities do you want to emerge in your creative life?

Who are you waiting for permission from?

Is doing what is safe serving you?

Talk about inspirational prompts. I took the time to write the answers to the prompts over the last three days. I have a lot to think about. Feel free to get out a piece of paper and answer these questions for yourself.

I am giving myself permission to be a spiritual director and a writer. I can be both spiritual and creative.

I’m getting out of my own way. I will continue my work toward getting out of my comfort zone. I will practice self-compassion and self-care. I will add more play to my life. I will continue to work toward active listening. I will stand up to my inner critic and practice affirmations.   

If you find yourself repeatedly stating your desire to do something but never act, it’s time to address the underlying issues that are holding you back.  

By overcoming fear, stepping outside your comfort zone, dealing with imposter syndrome, figuring out any resistance (like perfectionism), carving out time, and creating accountability, you can turn your aspirations into tangible goals. Don’t let your dreams remain unfulfilled. Start today and witness the magic unfold.

“The inner critic is a bully. It will back down when you face up to it.”

Julia Cameron, One of the many speakers from the 2023 Sante Fe Writing Retreat.

“For many of us, the negative voice called the Censor is a formidable foe. We have often spent many years buying into the Censor’s negativity, believing what it says and using that negative belief to talk ourselves out of projects and delights. The scenario goes something like this:

I’d love to design clothes.
Censor: You’re too old to learn fashion design.
I’d really love to design clothes.
Censor: You’re not fashionable.
I think I’d like to try.
Censor: What a terrible waste of money.
I can afford it.
Censor: You’re really a fool.

Afraid of feeling foolish, we often back down from our dreams. We take the voice of the Censor as the voice of reason. In reality, it is the Censor’s voice that is foolish, talking us out of joys and future rewards.”

Julia Cameron

More information:

Julia Cameron Live

Anne Lamott: 12 truths I learned from life and writing | TED Talk

Writer’s Community (healcreate.org)

Community – A Writing Room

How To Human with Sam Lamott on Apple Podcasts

SARK – Bestselling Author, Artist, Speaker & Mentor (planetsark.com)

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